


Things To Do In Oklahoma When You're Dead

by Tygermama



Category: The Losers, surprise crossover - Fandom
Genre: Character Death Fix, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-24
Updated: 2010-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:44:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/133070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tygermama/pseuds/Tygermama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't remember life being so surreal</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things To Do In Oklahoma When You're Dead

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to cheer [](http://katemonkey.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**katemonkey**](http://katemonkey.dreamwidth.org/) up, cause she's sick. It gets crackier the longer it goes on.

The last thing Cougar remembered clearly was Jensen hugging him. Jensen's arms felt good around him, even through all the pain. It was the last time Cougar remembered smiling and meaning it in so long.

Then Jensen left, to go and bring back help, like he swore he would. Cougar only hoped he could hold out long enough to give Jensen time to get out of the blast radius.

Cougar picked up a gun with shaking hands and swore he'd hold these pendejos off for as long as he could.

Cougar only vaguely recalled picking up the wires and his last words.

“Vaya con dios, angelitos.”

** ** **

Then there was nothing.

No pain.

No Hell.

No Heaven.

Wherever Cougar was, it was quiet. And he was grateful.

** ** **

  
Cougar awoke, in the middle of what appeared to be a field of... wheat?

Cougar was still wearing the uniform they stole from the rig. It even still had his blood on it. He was healed. His wounds were closed, small scars under his fingers the only proof that what he remembered had happened. He stood and looked around, confused. He hadn't really expected to go to Heaven and this is nothing like any Hell he had ever imagined as a small boy.

"Carlos Alvarez." a voice behind him said. From the tone, it was not a question. It was a pronouncement.

Cougar turned around. Behind him was a rumpled looking man in a trench coat. He had very blue eyes and shaggy, dark hair. Cougar could tell there was something... off about him. Something he could not put his finger on.

"Who are you? What is this place? Is this Hell?" Cougar rasps out, his mouth dry.

"No, this is not Hell. This is Oklahoma." the man said, head tilted, his arms by his sides.

Cougar frowned, “Oklahoma? I'm dead. Who are you?”

The man just gazed at Cougar placidly. He didn't seem to be blinking. Everything about him was making Cougar uneasy. "My name is Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord. And He has work for you, Carlos Alvarez."

Cougar looked at the man and shook his head. “You're insane.”

The man sighed. It was the most human thing Cougar had seen him do. It sounded so _put upon_. “I am not lying, Carlos. You were in Purgatory and I took you from that place and brought you here. To do the Lord's work.”

“Purgatory cleanses with pain and fire. Where I was, there was nothing.” Cougar retorted, all his Catechism classes coming back to him. He shook his head again and took a step back.

“You died in pain and fire, Carlos. It was deemed sufficient. Complete the tasks before you and you will be assured forgiveness for your sins.” Castiel said.

“The tasks before me? What tasks?” Cougar asked, still unconvinced that this man was not crazy but he couldn't deny that wherever he was, he felt alive. He could feel the wind in his hair and the sun on his face. Cougar was surprised how good it felt.

“You are the last of your line. A gunsmith.” Castiel said. His tone was back to the complete lack of affect or emotion that he showed before.

Cougar laughed, the laugh quickly turning into a cough. “You brought me back to life to make you a _gun?_ ”

“Two guns, yes. They need to be made to very special specifications. It will not be easy. There are forces already arraying against us.” Castiel said, still annoyingly calm. Cougar was seized by the sudden urge to punch him, just to see what he would do.

“Do not punch me. You will only hurt your hand.” Castiel said, putting his hands in his pockets.

“How?” Cougar starts to ask.

Castiel's expression didn't really change but he _seemed_ smugger somehow. “I am an Angel, Carlos. Whether or not you believe me does not change that fact.”

Cougar blinked a few times, uncertain he really heard what he thought he heard.

"I..."

"I need my hat." Cougar said. It was all he could think to say.

Castiel nodded and held out his hand.

There was a feeling of pressure in the air and for a split second Cougar could have sworn he saw wing-shaped shadows emerge from Castiel's back.

And then the feeling passed and Cougar's hat was in Castiel's hand.

“We should go. There is much to do.” Castiel said, holding the hat out.

Cougar took his hat from Castiel and ran his hands over it. It felt real, the worn spots and creases exactly where they should be, not disintegrated in a nuclear explosion.

“I was dead.” Cougar whispered.

Castiel nodded.

“I was tired. I needed to end it.” Cougar said, questions filling his mind.

Castiel nodded again, “I will explain while we are in the car.” Castiel gestured to his left. Cougar noticed the car on the side of the road at the edge of the field. It was an old Ford Falcon. “We must go.”

Cougar nodded and followed Castiel to the car. At the driver's side door Castiel stopped and pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Cougar. It was the car keys.

Cougar frowned.

“I do not drive much. There is rarely a reason for me to use this mode of transportation.” Castiel explained, his request implicit.

Cougar took the keys and got in. Castiel was soon in the passenger seat.

Cougar started the engine and looked at Castiel. “So where to, Boss?”

Castiel pointed to the left, “Follow this road to the highway and turn left. If we make good time, there's a diner I know we can stop at. The pie is excellent.”

Cougar closed his eyes tight for a few seconds and then opened them.

He was still in a car with a man claiming to be an angel. Who wanted...

“Pie?” Cougar asked.

“Yes. Everything is better with pie. You have had a stressful day.” Castiel said.

Cougar searched his face for any sign of deception. “You're fucking with me, right?”

Castiel frowned slightly, “No, I am not 'fucking with you'. The blueberry crumble is delicious. Do you not like pie?”

Cougar shook his head again as he steered the car onto the road. “I am alive, in Oklahoma, driving an angel to go get pie.” he muttered under his breath.

“Yes. Then you must make two guns. You are on a mission from God.” Castiel said, looking expectantly at Cougar.

Cougar just looked at him.

Castiel leaned in and said, “That was a joke.”

“I...,” Cougar turned back to his driving. He was now sure he wasn't in Hell but he figured he must have lost his mind.

“You have not lost your mind. Laughter is good for the soul. So I made a joke.” Castiel said. His tone was very faintly hurt.

“I... appreciate the gesture.” Cougar said. _This pie had damn well better be the best I've ever had._

“It will be.” Castiel promised.

 _Stop reading my mind._

“Sorry.” Castiel said.

They drove in silence for a while.

“Is it not customary for the driver to pick the music?” Castiel asked.

“Que?” Cougar said.

“I was given to understand that drivers make the music selection and passengers are obligated to not complain about it.” Castiel said. “I am unaccustomed to so much silence in a car.”

Cougar just sighed. He didn't remember life being so surreal.


End file.
